Home » Genealogy » Genealogy: An Adoptee’s Journey, Part 3 – Mother and Child Reunion

Genealogy: An Adoptee’s Journey, Part 3 – Mother and Child Reunion

I’ve been putting off writing this post for a while, because in a way, it’s painful. Here’s what happened.
When I made the momentous phone call, a woman answered (I didn’t know at the time that this was my birth mother), and asked to speak to her husband, Stu, who had answered my ad. It turns out that he had responded without my birth mother’s knowledge, and then pushed her to go ahead to meet me. You can imagine her reaction: shock, fear and anguish. It must have been traumatic revealing your not-so-pristine past to your children and loved ones.

In any event, we all agreed to meet. Stu and Betty travelled to our home, where I lived with my former husband and two small children. The reunion itself was rather anti-climactic as no one knew what to say at first. Betty said something like, “So we meet again”. We welcomed them into our home, and chatted for a couple of hours.

Stu then invited us up for Thanksgiving at their farm. As you can imagine, I was quite uncomfortable with this idea, but my husband and I agreed. Betty and Stu had SEVEN children; I was her first. This made eight of us altogether. Needless to say, I didn’t receive a very warm reception; they must all have been stunned. I had literally been forced into their midst., However, a younger brother and sister were happy to get to know me.

With this first hurdle over, we continued to visit each other until…Ah yes, there’s always a “but”. One issue I had a problem with was when Betty wanted me to call her “mother”. This I could not do; my adoptive parents were always the parents of my heart. The second issue was a little more ugly. Naturally, I wanted to know who my birth father was. She could not or would not reveal the name. You may draw your own conclusion here; I’m not going to write about it further, again, too painful.

At this point, all communication ceased between us. I did not have any contact with the family until she died at the early age of 57 from a heart attack. Her husband, Stu, phoned to let me know. He has been in my life since then, showering me with love; a lovely stepfather. However, there was no further contact with my brothers and sisters until…but you’ll have to wait to hear that story.

Next: My Genealogy Search

4 thoughts on “Genealogy: An Adoptee’s Journey, Part 3 – Mother and Child Reunion

  1. This is heartbreaking. I’m a birthmother and it still amazes me that other birthmothers won’t tell the father’s name. It seems so basic to me. I do believe that someone has to be “the adult” – preferably the birthparent, but that just doesn’t always happen. I’m very sorry that she didn’t tell you and I hope someone else knows (her sibling maybe?). Someone she went to school with? You have a right to know who this man is.
    And I hope your siblings come around. Your birthmother’s baggage shouldn’t affect them. I wish you all the best and look forward to hearing more of your story.

    • That would explain a lot. Still, Pollyanna me, thinks open transparent communication is best. She cheated herself as well as you by not being able to talk. She missed out knowing who you are. That’s a sad life.

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